


Am I supposed to say "I'm okay" to myself too?

by Chubby_Otaku



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anorexia, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Fake Lance, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Starving, Suicidal Lance (Voltron), lance's family is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chubby_Otaku/pseuds/Chubby_Otaku
Summary: There are three points of view to every story Yours, Theirs, and the Truth. The team thinks Lance is okay. Lance knows he's not but lies to himself anyway. The truth is that he's slowly ripping away the last of his life without even trying.





	Am I supposed to say "I'm okay" to myself too?

The truth is a tricky thing because in a story there are three versions, only two are told. The story of the Blue Paladin is a tricky one. 

Just a piece of his story will be told in each way. His point of view, theirs, and the truth.

The team liked to assume that the only problems in the world were right in front where they could see them. Some problems like to get pushed to the bottom of the pile. When it’s at the top again it hides. It runs. 

Pidge just shook her head when Lance scraped his food goo into the trash. Didn’t he know that eating so many snakes during the day would make him lose his appetite? It was weird how she usually was extremely perceptive and curious but never thought twice about the faint whiff of puke in the bathrooms.

Hunk never understood how Lance could feel so light with how much he claimed to eat. He had asked him why he always wore long sleeves but Lance chalked it up to the castle being chilly. The fact that the rooms regulated its room temperature based on the temperature of any living things in it seemed to slip his mind.

Shiro knew something was up. He had been satisfied when he heard Lance talking to Keith about being homesick. When he died and came back to his priorities changed and slowly Lance disappeared from any problem other than being annoying and fighting Keith on everything.

Keith didn’t think anyone could be so annoying (annoyingly cute). He thought Lance was just Jokes, stupid flirting, and loyalty. Lance was insanely happy and had no mental problems other than slight homesickness. If Lance’s smiles were a little too wide and his eyes a pinch too dull Keith never noticed

Lance had died. He was fine though. Everything was fine. His problems aren't important. And if he spent 2 years in a mental hospital after his 13th suicide attempt, so what? The team had actual problems. If he had repeatedly slashed through his arms and thighs or pretended he wasn’t injured to avoid the cryo pod because it would waste energy what did it matter? If his family had all died in a fire and he pretended and faked being okay it was still fine. So what if He never ate and when he did it was thrown up 30 minutes later. If he didn’t like flirting with girls because he still liked Keith and only made fun of him because he had a twin brother who acted just like him minus the dead family and mullet. If every joke disguised a cry for help who cared.

The truth was witnessed by the universe. Lance Mcclain(Is that even his real name), was killing himself. His team was killing him. His love for things had hurt him before and he cared about a team who would never accept the real him. If lance expressed his feelings they would call him a liar and when he showed them the cuts he would be an attention seeker. This was the unforgiving truth. When Lance died no one would have actually ever known him. When he sacrificed himself for Voltron and Shiro and Keith started to pilot their original lions a few tears were shed but Lance or the mask he hid under was forgotten. 

Keith might have met a troubled kid who he took under his wing. And just maybe when the Paladins told him of Lance he recognized and mourned for the person under the mask so what? Lance was one among many. If that kid told others and started a cult that grew huge other the years with the motto “The thing that painted blue red was not paint.” One day if the Paladins in their older years heard this logo and thought about what Lance was going through more then a second it might’ve mattered. Lance didn’t need them to understand but he needed them to know the real him. If Keith still dreams about a certain blue-eyed boy and never found love again it mattered. And it matters that Lance wasn’t everything people thought he was because to him it wasn’t ever a lie it was just protecting his friends and himself from the truth. If they had known the truth maybe they could have saved him. It matters. Every little detail. From the people who go to school because they have to the people who look forward to every day. One Day they could find themselves lying to themselves. Not those little harmless lies because big lies are dangerous, they build up until the line between reality and dreams is blurred. Like Lance’s life.


End file.
